Conscious Choices
As I started out today I was doing my regular struggle to get out of bed and in my struggle I forgot my phone which made my schedule for my yoga class a tight one. I got my phone and instead of putting in the directions to the studio (because I have a horrible sense of direction) I got in the car and drove in the general direction. I came to the intersection to turn either left or right. I hesitated and then turned right right as another lady was going around me in the intersection. CRASH!
Fortunately the lady was lovely and we exchanged information and went on our way. I still wanted to make my yoga class. As I drove into the lot, there usually is not a valet guy, but his morning there was. He immediately started yelling at me to park my car reasonable and hand him the keys. I was between the lines, but looked and went back to put it further between the lines perfectly and he just continued to yell at me. I tried to get away from him as it felt like an attack and threatened to call the police if he continued to attack me. I went in to do my yoga class feeling like a rat. There was just a bombardment of stress and I felt threatened.
The practice felt pointless. I was constantly falling out of poses and could not shake the valet. For some reason that was more violating that a wreck. As I struggled to stay engaged and wondered why I was even trying, I am glad that I continued to stay in the space. Just at that moment, the teacher (who had witnessed my interaction with the valet) came over as I was crouched in position. She knew I was struggling. She gently massaged my back and told me, "you're doing great. Just stay here. Stay in this moment. Stay on your mat."
Though I had already determined that I was not leaving that class, it was the one thing had planned to do for myself that day, her encouragement re-routed my thoughts. It was not about what I was going to do, but who I was going to be. How my choice would affect me was more important than any ego or what I was going to do. The valet never totally went out of my head, but what did enter was making conscious decisions at that moment to deal with him in a way that made it about me and protecting myself.
I went to the locker room, showered and left. Upon leaving I was approached by the supervisor of the valet company. He asked me the problem. I told him I felt attacked by his worker and told him why. He then immediately defended the guy. It was clear determining the truth was not of value to the supervisor so I told him it was clear he had no intention of solving an issue or hearing what I had to say and that I would just take my car and leave. I was not going to engage in further attacks. In that moment and prior in my class I had made the conscious decision to do for me. My ego was not required to be comforted, my well being in that moment was.
"My ego was not required to be comforted,
my well being in that moment was."
I walked away. He was still talking. I stayed engaged enough in his words until I knew that I was no longer being threatened. My act of walking away again only increased his defensiveness. It however did not matter to me. I walked away on my own accord and drove away. There were other ways to deal with this that did not require me to feel threatened.
Later as I sat down to write this blog I looked up, "making conscious choices," and the above chart appeared. Even without having this, it ultimately was the process that I went through in making my decisions. It would have however been great to have this chart and it will continue to be one that I use as a tool.
Also... when these things happen I tend to isolate and feel very alone. This morning on my way out the door I saw a package for me. It was from a friend and was a book on mindfulness. It reminded me that as alone as you may ever feel, look out because you are never really alone. In that moment I made the conscious decision to enjoy my day and even through all of the crisis this morning I still plan to.
So on a day that could have been a day about a wreck and an attack is now a day about being proud of myself.
Other things I've done today:
1. I continue to drink all my water requirements. The Waterlogged App continues to help.
2. I did my yoga class.
3. I'm going to get a pedicure after work today.
What accomplishments did you have today? Or what are you planning for tomorrow?
Ms. Faux Wants to know. Leave it in the comments.
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