So the other day I wrote about narcissists. It stirred up some old stuff in me and I didn't know what quite to do with it. This is mainly because I was quite indifferent today to those feelings and I remember in the thick of dealing with my narcissist it was quite different. It was extremely tumultuous and I questioned everything. It was a feeling I never wanted to feel again and the reason that any good medical professional will tell you the only way to deal with a narcissist is to cut contact.
So knowing this you can imagine my concern that I wanted to read a couple of the articles that I read then on narcissism, but did not know whether this would benefit me now or not. I knew in this moment I felt indifferent to my narcissist, but would this stir something up. Well if anyone knows me I go trial by fire. Besides, now I have the support system to handle it and included in that system is myself. Deep down I knew that my trip down that rabbit hole was not going to make that much difference so I did it.
What I discovered is all those those traits that back then I thought... "maybe, I don't know,"
This time I was like, "check. checK, cheCK, chECK, cHECK, CHECK!!!" Still I wasn't hard on myself. I was actually proud to now have discovered that I always knew these things about the person, but never trusted myself. So in this case looking back actually was good. It didn't help me move forward, but it was interesting that I actually gained comfort from doing so.
So I'm not completely saying you should look back. I'm saying look back only in a sense that you think it might help you see clearly your progress. I still believe that I was not ready to look back at that time in my life until about 6 months ago and even then I waited 6 months.
That seems a bit jumbled of thoughts, but I know what I'm saying, hopefully you get it as well.
Today's goals met:
Hot Yoga
Drank My Water
No Alcohol
No Junk Food
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